Networking is hard, but a vital cornerstone for your business success. Networking can be even harder when you’re shy, naturally quiet, or an observer. Jumping into a conversation can feel extremely uncomfortable and almost rude when you’re the quiet one of the group. Often, you’ll stand to the side, watching, listening, maybe even waiting for someone to come talk to you. If you do manage a conversation, it’s often with the same person for an extended period of time, because the idea of abruptly joining a conversation or spontaneously introducing yourself to a stranger is overwhelming.
Some may call you introverted, but that isn’t necessarily true. Both introverts and extroverts can be shy. While being an introvert or extrovert is determined by how you recharge, shyness is defined by a fear of negative perceptions from others. This puts shyness and social anxiety on the same spectrum, though it doesn’t mean every shy person has social anxiety. Remember, it’s a spectrum.
While there are many well-meaning articles out there to help introverts manage networking and business social events, not all the tips and tricks apply to those who are simply shy. So, from one shy entrepreneur to another, let’s look at 7 tricks I’ve found that help me with networking events.
How to Thrive at Networking Events as a Shy Entrepreneur
Trick No 1: Wear Comfortable Clothes
You’ve heard “dress for the job you want,” but I say, “dress for who you are.” It’s easy to think you need to look and act like a “businessperson,” but that can add stress and even lead to imposter syndrome. Entrepreneurship is about letting your uniqueness shine, and that includes your attire.
Stick to the dress code, but make sure you feel comfortable. If you wear something unfamiliar or uncomfortable, you’ll waste energy adjusting your clothing instead of engaging. Don’t like dresses? Don’t wear one. If dressing up boosts your confidence, go for it.
When you choose a comfortable outfit, you walk in more confident and less distracted, giving you the energy to focus on the event. The goal is to feel at ease, allowing your true self to come through. Dressing comfortably means you’re not spending the evening fidgeting or feeling out of place, but rather being present and engaging effectively with others.
Remember, confidence often comes from comfort. So, dress in a way that makes you feel good about yourself, and you'll naturally project that confidence in your interactions.
Trick No. 1.5: Wear Comfortable Shoes
Just like choosing an outfit you’re comfortable in, it’s equally important to choose comfortable shoes. Networking events vary—some involve sitting, standing, or walking around. You will want to be comfortable in any situation. If you’re unsure what to expect, choose something you can stand in for a few hours. You’ll thank yourself later or get lucky if it’s a sit-down event.
Besides just physical comfort, shoes can provide mental comfort as well. If heels make you feel powerful, wear them with confidence. Prefer Converse? Dress them up to fit the dress code and own your style. A comfortable outfit is from head to toe.
For me, it’s cowboy boots. A good pair boosts my confidence, and they’re a great icebreaker—my white ones were even my wedding shoes! Find your own version of comfy, stylish footwear, and let it give you the confidence to stride into any room.
Remember, the right shoes can make all the difference in how you feel and engage with others. So, pick a pair that supports you both physically and mentally.
Trick No. 2: Say You Are New
During check-in, let the person signing you in know you’re new or it’s your first (or second) time, so you’re looking to get connected. Typically, the first person you meet is bubbly, charismatic, and well-connected. Their job is to welcome you, provide information, and get you started on the right foot. They’ll often introduce you to another warm, charismatic person who excels at creating genuine connections. This person might stay and talk with you or introduce you to others. If you do get passed along, it’s not because they’re uninterested; it’s to help you meet more people.
For example, I helped restructure an organization with monthly events hosting 75+ people. Often, half or more were first- or second-time attendees. To help them integrate, we used a 3-person welcome approach. Door greeters welcomed everyone with a smile and directed them inside. The second set of greeters helped with sign-in, name tags, and discovering if attendees were new or seeking connections. If someone was new, a greeter would personally introduce them to our hosts, who made them feel welcome and connected them to someone with common interests. This introduction included names and shared commonalities to kickstart the conversation. While most events won’t be this structured, there will always be one or two people ready and willing to engage with you.
By saying you’re new, you’ll often find yourself welcomed warmly and introduced to others, easing the networking process and making genuine connections.
Trick No. 3: Get a beverage
If all else fails, grab a drink (it doesn’t need to be alcoholic). There are anecdotes about having an “emotional support water bottle,” but there’s something relaxing about holding a drink. It gives you something to focus on, a sense of control in a situation that may feel out of your control, and helps you look and feel like you’re part of the event. It provides momentary relief from the nervousness when you take a sip. You feel less awkward and can’t fidget with your hands, a common nervous habit among us shy ones.
Getting a drink also offers you a moment to look around the room and spot a fellow shy guy (yes, Mario pun intended). If you see someone standing alone, maybe looking around the room or at their phone, chances are they’re also struggling to join a conversation. We appreciate anyone willing to come up and break the ice first. Often, we have a lot to offer but struggle to start the conversation. By getting a drink, you give yourself a breather and a chance to connect with someone who might be feeling just as out of place as you are.
It’s a simple yet effective way to ease into the networking environment and potentially make a new friend or business contact. So, next time you’re at an event, grab a beverage and use it as a tool to help you navigate the room with a bit more confidence.
Trick No. 4: Read
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This might seem self-explanatory but take time to read up on the networking event before you go. Read everything available about the current event and look for stories or links to prior events, especially if it's through an organization that regularly hosts similar networking events. Check the organization’s website and social media accounts and do a quick Google search for past information.
Also, take time to read about any sponsors or speakers at the event. The more you know about who is hosting, the better idea you’ll have of what to expect. For example, I recently attended a local Chamber of Commerce workshop for the first time. The speaker focused on the implementation of change. Before the event, we received an email with standard information (where, when, dress code, etc.) and a note about our workshop topic, providing a few questions and suggesting we come ready with their answers. Being prepared helped me have something ready to talk about, instead of thinking on the fly (not my strong suit).
Lastly, read (or listen to) books on communication and conversation. It may sound silly since we communicate daily, but that doesn’t mean we’re as effective or engaging as we could be. Improving communication skills is essential for entrepreneurs, especially for networking and building new relationships. Networking isn’t just about meeting people and having a nice conversation; it's about developing connections in various areas of business and life, pouring into others, and being poured into (with discernment, of course). When you can effectively, clearly, and impactfully communicate, you’ll make a lasting, positive impression on those you talk to.
For improving your communication skills, here are some books to get you started:
Taking the time to read and prepare will make you feel more confident and ready to engage meaningfully at your next networking event.
Trick No. 5: Listen Actively and Ask Questions
People love to talk about themselves. Showing interest in others makes them feel heard and valued, leaving a good impression of you. By being an active listener, you can ask specific, pointed questions that show intentionality and interest.
Leading FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss discusses the importance of active listening in his book, Never Split the Difference. When lives are on the line, actively listening and focusing on nothing else (including your response) can make all the difference. This is true in business as well. By actively listening, you can learn more and pick up on small details others may miss.
The more specific a question, the more thorough the answer, and the more time it takes, helping to enjoyably pass the time. Thoughtful questions also provide you with valuable information about those you’re meeting. Remember, the purpose of networking is to learn about others, build rapport, and exchange value.
If you’re shy, you’re probably also a good observer, picking up on information and cues others might miss. Use that to your advantage by noting important details or difficulties the person you’re speaking to mentions. Bringing up these points in conversation shows you’ve genuinely listened and cared, scoring you major brownie points.
To enhance your listening, focus on the “5 W’s” when they’re talking: who, what, where, when, why (and how). If you can identify a need within one of those questions, you’ll know exactly where to provide value. This approach not only makes your conversations more engaging but also positions you as someone thoughtful and attentive, which can help build stronger connections.
By focusing on active listening and asking insightful questions, you’ll make meaningful connections and leave a lasting positive impression on those you meet.
Trick No. 6: Provide Value
At networking events, aim to provide more than you take. This doesn’t mean talking constantly—quite the opposite. Providing value is about timing and content. Listen for struggles, pain points, or gaps where you can offer insights. People remember when you add to their lives, so share your knowledge, wisdom, and unique perspectives freely. Your unique experiences can be the key to helping someone else progress.
Regardless of where you are in your business journey, you always have something to offer. It could be a recent lesson, an experience, or even a conversation where you received value. If you’re just starting, remind seasoned entrepreneurs of overlooked basics. You always have something to contribute.
Listen for gaps in the 5 W’s and How. You don’t need to solve their problems but can guide them to someone who can help, like a partner or a past collaborator. Networking is about building connections and mutual support. By providing value, you build trust and establish yourself as a valuable contact.
Focus on giving rather than taking to create meaningful, lasting relationships.
Trick No. 7: Frame It ‘til You Make It
You’ve probably heard, “Just fake it ‘til you make it,” when expressing anxiety about attending a networking event. While well-meaning, “faking” anything won’t get you where you want to go. Instead, try reframing your thoughts, expectations, and intentions. Instead of worrying about who you will talk to, review your strengths and consider how you can use them to provide value to others. Rather than stressing about making numerous connections, focus on giving your full attention to the one or two people you do meet and leaving a positive impression. Genuine interactions spread, and others will seek you out next time.
Melissa Leygan, founder of eQMS Consulting and Entrepreneur Interviewee, understands the struggle against imposter syndrome. Like Melissa, entrepreneurs may question whether they belong at an event or have enough to offer. To combat these thoughts, Melissa asks herself, “Why not me?” And she’s right.
By reframing your mindset, you can approach networking with confidence and authenticity. Focus on being yourself and leveraging your strengths. This genuine approach will leave a lasting impression and build meaningful connections.
Embrace Your Unique Networking Style
Networking doesn’t have to be daunting, even for the shy or quiet among us. By embracing your unique strengths and focusing on genuine interactions, you can turn networking events into valuable opportunities. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin, whether that’s through your attire, the way you approach conversations, or how you prepare beforehand. Listening actively and providing value helps you build meaningful connections, while reframing your mindset allows you to engage confidently without feeling like an imposter.
Remember, effective networking isn’t about collecting business cards; it’s about creating lasting impressions and forming real relationships. Approach each event with the intention to learn, share, and connect. By doing so, you’ll not only make networking more manageable but also more rewarding. So, go forth and network with confidence, knowing that your authentic self is your greatest asset. Happy networking!
About the Author:
Em is the co-founder of L2Business and Director of Communication. Her prior work as a reporter and editor sparked the idea to interview entrepreneurs and highlight their real-world entrepreneurial insights with new and aspiring business builders. When she's not busy with the business, you can find her yelling at the TV watching her alma mater Texas Tech or any hockey game she can find. Let's connect on Facebook!
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